~~Surviving

Henry David Thoreau-"Things do not change; we change"
It's not the strongest of the species that survive, nor it's the most intelligent of the species that survive, but it's the one most adaptable to change.
But the question is whether it's the existence I'm looking for? Never in my mind I had the word existence. I never thought that I had to think of existence.
But,then I thought what David was talking about wasn't just breathing properly, it was existence in the standard of society one dreams of living in.
So,he was pretty correct ,we need to be adaptable. Somehow ,I also relate a dialog from the movie Rocky,"But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" to it. Surviving is about a bit of David and a bit of Rocky.

~~Strange World

I don't like this world. The world I'm currently working in as a software professional, or so called Consultant-Technology. When this industry opened it's door to me,like it does to millions out here in India,I was fascinated by it's structure and the amount of IQ one has to spend to make things work here. Initially I was also excited because I was getting to work near Delhi, and believe me it's amazing for a small town boy to see Delhi and the beauty it holds within it. Also I got an opportunity to live with my college friends,six in all,together. So,time flied ,and so did we ,without being prudent enough to see what's in store for us.
But,this industry ,I mean the software industry just shook me. It was very strange for me,to see so many selfish and cut throat people around. People who didn't meant what they said, for whom words were just mere words without any attached meaning, show off was considered wise enough so that one could sustain .
I was even shocked by my own friends,their level of understanding shocked me.My opinion started changing about them, I had started believing that I never knew them.
The only motive which moved people around here was their own success, and that's right and wise enough to do, considering the theory of "objectivism". I'm myself an ardent follower of Ayn Rand's theory.
But while considering selfishness as the path to success people forget that,that selfishness was portrayed on characters such as Howard Roark,who demolished the whole structure seeing that it wasn't built on his principles. We just forget that character,and the characteristic it displayed and what we remember is theory of objectivism.
Here, the question is not how work should be done,it's about how work is get done. It's not about opportunities,it's about the way you can make them.
In these six months I have seen guys changing their attitude towards someone just because they were in need, changing their opinion just because that suited them, changed their friends just because that helped them.

All what I can summarize is,I couldn't find a single person here for whom I could say ,"A man is a man of character and action and not pretensions and deceptions".

~~Thank You

Thank You..
thank you for only letting me have good memories ..
and i'm thankful that it's you I should thank..
you are the sea of my life..
so,I'm sorry..
I'm sorry I can't stay next to you..
and sorry that I love you..
please be happy..
because I love you..
you must be happy.

Do you understand me?
Will you promise me?
That you will be happy..
that you would be well..

Save Job

In this time of recession,isn't it a better idea to reduce the pay scale of everyone in the hierarchy so that job loss could be avoided?
Nevertheless reduced pay scale won't affect the spending caliber of an individual because due to job loss there is gap in demand and supply. This gap has pushed inflation rocketing downwards . So,the price of commodities have eventually decreased .And hence the reduced pay won't affect them eventually and we can also save job loss.

Decision

I had taken a decision that I won't continue in software any more. While taking this decision I was confused,as whether decisions should be logical?Logical in a way that it should support your line of vision,if there is any. But ,I was confused about my line of vision,so my decision wasn't definitely logical. Right now,what was affecting my decision was my long standing belief that I wasn't made for this software industry,although this belief is totally based on intuition. So,you can say that my decision wasn't logical,but intuition+al .
Am i wrong going with my intuitions?Isn't it that one should act more on his intuition?
Apart from all this,something was holding me up,asking me to stay.So, I was bound.Out of this boundation I wasn't able to free my self. But, I had to,sooner or later. But, right now I can't. I want to achieve something,not for me,so that I can set my self free. Free,to bind my self to something else. Something not more important ,but something which was required.
Required,not because it's logical,but because that's intuition+al.
So,ultimately I had made a decision,which is quite logical and the logic is,I should go with my intuitions.

Self-Denial

Today,like past few days I was sitting idle and thoughts without words were flowing inside my head.
The girl sitting just right of the pillar facing me was amusing in a peculiar way. Today the small bindi on her forehead was just adding to her beauty. The flash of light from the computer facing her,her slake fingers and the way she rested it on her chin n cheeks,the amazing style of her dupatta,fall of her hair and above all her captive eyes.
Sun light filtering through the curtain facing me,usual spin of the entrance door , attentive but deceptive face of manish garg(our hr),casual and frictional walk of Amit Govil(ceo) with an ego about his achievement without considering the way he did that,the constant effort of sharad(the guy sitting adjacent to me),the bait searching eyes of u n mayank,the illogically considerate eyes of joshi etc. these are just a part of my daily thought excersise. Apart from the girl,who does't know how to take out printouts and her searching n disturbed eyes.
My day is stuffed with loads of expectations.Expectations that something would happen and my thought process would be changed. I strongly believe that I'm not in the right mode of life,doing things which shouldn't be done,or which are not required out of me to be done .
Something was going wrong,something had to change.I don't know what to do for that. But right now what I'm pursuing is self-denial.
My self-denial might end up bringing hope n life to the one i love.
:-)