the Balance

I had found an interesting way to keep myself busy. Think money. Though I always thought about earning money, but not like Warren Buffet. So, I had only thoughts. But now, since I wanted to think or wanted to force myself to think in some other direction, to forget the naptol of the past, I had started thinking about money. Not how to save money, but how to earn money. Earn without thinking how much I should earn. Just to keep on earning. This could be "the reclusive stick" which will thrash my thoughts about the past upto that level, which will enable me to cross the threshold of pain, and enter the stage of "no pain" .
These days my mind works in multiple directions,like how to supress my basic behaviour and keep myself busy. From my past I have realized, that I got an uncanny ability of hurting people without even knowing it. Working real hard to improve it. I have always believed that humans thoughts should be free. With thought like butterflies flying and colorful ,like water impinging on hard mundane rocks of society eroding them with their sharpness. But somehow I think i'm missing the other side of the story. The counter thoughts on the other side of the fulcrum. May be with time I will be able to strike the right cord. May be with time i'm might be able to hang in the air with balloons of my thoughts and my own air and still not hurt anyone (unknowingly). But right now, is not the time. Still i'm seeking the balance. N yeah, the money thinggy might play a crucial role in shaping my thoughts, for the right balance. And then I won't hurt anyone unknowingly. Amen !